Why Did the Chicken Cross The Road - A short story

Charlie the Chicken stood on the side of the road. This was no particularly special day, nor was it any particularly special occurrence. Charlie stood on this side of the road quite often, though that was the extent of his actions. He just stood there. His gaze would fall onto the other side of that dreary street, only interrupted by the passing of the occasional car.

Charlie never left his side of this lonely stretch of asphalt. He often wondered about the other side. Sure, he could see that which was directly in front of him, but that couldn’t account for all that was not within his line of sight. He could not even begin to imagine what was beyond that. Charlie had spent so long staring at that same view that he yearned for a change, no matter how small. However, at the same time, the thought of change was rather daunting. The fear of the unknown was paralyzing.

The Chicken would be lying if he said that he was never scared. Most of the time Charlie’s nerves got the best of him. Well, not most of the time, all of the time. Charlie never did anything courageous. All he did, day in and day out, was stand on the side of the road.

He often imagined himself taking that first step. He thought of how the asphalt would feel under his feet. It will be rough, he thought. His mind would then inevitably stray to thoughts that frightened him. What if it hurts? The possibility of pain concerned The Chicken even more.

This always happened to Charlie. He would be so close to moving, to taking that first step, but then he would start dwelling on all that could go wrong, until the infinite realm of unfortunate possibilities would cause him to spiral into crushing insecurity. Then Charlie would give up for the day.

The Chicken often tried to convince himself that all of these fears were trivial, and that he should not concern himself with them. But after every day, and every failure, Charlie found it harder to believe that he would ever change.

I will beat this. Charlie thought, This fear will not be my downfall, I will be brave. I will take that first step. I will not be afraid any more. Charlie closed his eyes. This is a special day, he thought to himself, This is the day.

In his mind, The Chicken imagined taking that first step. His foot gently touched the street. He felt no pain. His other foot followed, feeling the asphalt with no hesitation. Charlie felt like he was floating, gliding across the road, one nimble step at a time. The farther he walked, more came into view. The sun was high on the other side, bathing him in a warm, bright light. Charlie looked behind him. There stood his side of the road, all that he had ever known. He looked back with fondness on all of the days that he had spent before this moment. He did not think on this as sad, because he knew that the time he spent there was good. With a smile, he turned back to the other side, and walked to it, unafraid.

“Charlie?” A nurse said, as she entered the room, “Charlie?”

She looked up at the monitors at his bedside. A flat line buzzed across the screen. She grasped Charlie’s hand in hers. She looked up at his face. He was smiling. She leaned in, kissed his cheek, and whispered, “I told you that you weren’t a chicken.”



Copyright Melissa Asselin 2011

BEDA 4/22 - Random Friday

1. I just ate some Lucky Charms. For some odd reason, when I was little, we had a running joke in my household calling them Chucky Larms.

2. As and update from yesterday's blog, I did put my laundry away.

3. As much as I like wearing tank tops, I don't like it when the weather is so hot that I am required to wear a tank top to avoid heat stroke. (Alaskan's don't like it when it's really hot)

4. I don't advocated smoking pot, but this video is strangely cute and funny.


5.This week's obligatory random picture:

BEDA 4/21 - Motivation

I am a lazy person. This is an aspect of myself that I am not very fond of. I find myself coming up with plans for my days, but never actually carrying out all of the tasks on that list. Typically, it isn't something of dire importance, but I find my lack of productivity shameful. Every morning, I set my alarm for 8am, despite the fact that I rarely have anything to do in the morning (I quit my job, because I am moving soon, and I take mostly night classes). I always do this hoping that one morning I will actually get up early for no reason, and have the ambition to do something good with my day. I never do. This could be partially attributed to my insomnia, but even then, sleeping in just makes me feel like a crappy person. I know people who have to wake up at 5 am every morning, go into their full time job, and get home just in time for dinner. I almost wish I was like that, because at least then I would be accomplishing something every day.

For instance, today the most productive things that I did were have lunch with my boyfriend, and grab a few things from the store. I have a giant pile of clean laundry that has been sitting on my floor for 2 days now. Did I fold said laundry? No. Will I fold it tonight? Probably not(though after writing this I feel like I am almost obligated to fold them immediately after posting.) I don't even know how many hours today that I have spent futzing around on the internet, but I couldn't muster the ambition to take ten minutes to fold and put away my laundry? Why am I so stupidly lazy? I always tell myself that tomorrow I will be better, tomorrow I will actually accomplish something. I guess there is always hope that tomorrow will finally be that day.

Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 4/19 - Random Prompt #3

"The biography ends the injury." (provided by this )


The biography ends with injury. This seems like a fairly obvious statement, because it makes more sense to write about someone's life after its has already finished. Writing about someone who is living seems like a waste, because there is a chance that they will go on to do something else worth writing about. Not only that, having a sequel to a biography seems a bit strange. The Life of So-and-so Part Two: Yep, I'm still doing stuff. Besides, how do you end a biography if the subject isn't dead? How do you finish the story of someone's life if they haven't finished it themselves?

This isn't to say, however, that all death is a result of injury. Not everyone dies in freak circus accidents. Though, one could argue that death itself is an injury. Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines injury as

"1 : an act that damages or hurts; violation of another's
rights for which the law allows an action to recover damages
2 : hurt, damage, or loss sustained "

Organ failure seems like some pretty major damage. Complete loss of all consciousness, all thought, and self awareness seems like a large loss to be sustained. The effect that never walking upon this earth again has on loved ones seems like hurt. It also seems like the perfect ending.



Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 14 - Sunburn

Well, as you can probably guess from the title, I am currently suffering from sunburn. This is a particularly obnoxious thing for me, considering that it is the first time that I have had sunburn in round about 6 years. A few of you may know this, but I am 1/24th American Indian (Ottowa, I think), so on the rare occasions that I expose myself to sunlight, I typically tan pretty easy.

However, as evidenced by the sore shoulders, this is not always the case. Yesterday, I attended the Las Vegas Celtic Highland Games. It was a wonderful even, full of kilts, bagpipes, meat pies, and even a didgeridoo. However, before leaving my house that morning, I didn't even think to put on sunblock, despite knowing that I would be out in the sun for a few hours. Now I feel incredibly stupid.

There are a lot of different sunburn remedies out there, one of the more popular being aloe vera gel. That goop, however, doesn't really work on me, and just ends up drying out my skin more. So, today, I decided to try a more natural (and as my boyfriend claims, hipster) approach, and bought some Burt's Bees Aloe & Linden Flower After Sun Soother. From what I can gather, it's pretty much an aloe-tastic super lotion, that smells really pretty. It seems to be helping with the pain, though the redness isn't going down much.

I myself don't get too annoyed with sunburn, because I usually don't burn too bad, so it doesn't hurt that much. But today I noticed that a disadvantage about having sunburned shoulders is that it makes normally simple tasks more awkward and painful. Currently I am not very fond of my purse, and the seat belt in my car.

So, if anyone has any other good sunburn remedies, feel free to leave it in a comment, and I will most likely love you forever (but not in a creepy way).

Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 13 - Random Friday

1. I bought some marshmallow peeps earlier today. That was a bad idea.

2. I have been reintroducing myself to internet cartoons that I used to watch. Weebls-Stuff is still hilarious.

3. Obligatory random picture:


Until Monday, Allons-y!

BEDA 12- Insomnia

As a few of you know, I suffer from insomnia. I've been living with it as long as I can remember. The way the my insomnia works is that I have a very difficult time falling asleep, despite how tired I am. It takes the average adult 7-10 minute to fall asleep. With me, it takes over an hour, and that's if I'm lucky.

For example, yesterday I was running on 4-5 hours of sleep from the night before. When I got home from my night class, I felt like I was going to pass out, so I went to bed. After about two hours of tossing and turning, I finally got so annoyed with my insomnia that I got up and read a bit instead. (For anyone interested, my current book is Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby) I finally got to sleep around 4am.

Sometimes, it is very easy to find some reason for my insomnia to bother me. This could be stress, excitement, or just something on my mind. But other times, I can't find any good reason why I can't fall asleep. Typically, though, my annoying lack of sleep is simply due to the fact that I can't just my brain off.

So ya. Insomnia is annoying. If you would like to read a more interesting blog about sleep, click here. Also, to make up for the blah-ness of the past few day's worth of blog, here is a fantastically nerdy picture.


Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 11 - Quota

Sleepy Melissa is sleepy. That is all.


Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 10 - RANDOM

1. Melissa doesn't have very much ambition today

2. In cooking news, I made some yummy Cucumber-Blackberry Balsamic Salad today. Then some acorn squash. I was unintentionally vegetarian today.

3. On the topic of vegetarianism, I've realized that even though I eat meat, I actually really like vegetarian and vegan food.

4. I don't know why, but the song "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" from The Lion King is stuck in my head right now.

5. This random blog's obligatory random picture is an old, out of context tweet. Oddly enough, this happened on Thanksgiving.


Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 9 - Tomato Basil Pasta Salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette

So, I decided to take the weekend off. I'm thinking I'm just going to blog every WEEKday in April, and to attempt to keep my sanity, and pretend that I actually have a life.

So, this weekend was full of yummy food things. As I said Friday, I made some yummy lemon bars. We also had a tasty little lunch of tomato, basil, and mozzarella sandwiches, and some apple gorgonzola salad (pictured below).


In order to make said sandwiches, I needed some basil. Of course, when I went to my local grocery store, they only had very large containers of basil.



So now I have this shit ton of basil to get rid of. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE basil, but there are only so many interesting ideas that I can come up with about how to use it all (though at this point I'll probably end up drying most of it to use later). However, last night I decided to make up something to use said insane amount of basil, and this is what I came up with :


I was making it up as I went along, and I don't measure anything, but here is my best guestimation as to a recipe.

Tomato Basil Pasta Salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette

2 to 3 cups elbow macaroni (or desired pasta)
1 large tomato
3 to 5 large basil leaves
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar (I like mine extra vinegar-y)
salt and pepper (to taste)

Fill a medium pot with water, and bring to a boil. Add pasta, and cook until the pasta is soft. Strain, and run under cold water. Dice tomatoes, and chop basil to desired size. In a separate bowl, combine oil and vinegar, then salt and pepper, to taste. Combine pasta, tomatoes, basil, and vinaigrette, and toss until all is evenly coated. Then, ya know, eat it.


Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 8 - More Food Stuffs

So, I (obviously) almost forgot to blog today (don't worry, its only 11pm here). Because of this, I'm going to just blog about what I am doing right now. Tomorrow, I'm planning on cooking some, so I'm looking at recipes. I will be making these lemon bars. They're the ones my mum made when I was little, and they are divine.



Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 7 - I Should Cook More

Growing up, cooking was just a part of living in my house hold. Every night, we all sat down and had dinner as a family. Ever since I was little, I would cook with my mom. Baking is my particular passion, and when I was living with my mom, I would be baking something just about every week. Food is, in a very large way, how I connect to my mother. The way her kitchen is set up, there is an attached bar (a high counter top with three chairs) sharing a wall with the oven. So, when she was in the kitchen cooking, I would be able to sit at the bar, and see and talk to her as she cooked. That's how we spent time together: in the kitchen.

However, being my lazy self, I don't cook very much, despite the fact that I am actually pretty decent at it. For the past few weeks, I have been craving to cook. The problem, however, is that its hard to cook just for one person. For example, last week I really wanted to make a pie. I ended up planning that pie around my plans to hang out with friends, just so I would have people to enjoy my baking. But, as much as they may enjoy it, I probably should stop trying to shove sweets down my friends' throats.

So, as much as possible, I'm going to try to find ways to not only cook more, but cook for myself. Today I started this trend by making some angel hair pasta, tossed with a basil almond sauce (similar to a chunky pesto) and cherry tomatoes. I would give you all the recipe, but I made it up as I went along (and I didn't measure anything)



If anyone has a burning desire to make this, I can try to tell you how I did, but most of it is eyeballing it.

Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 6 - Anonnying People Who Attend My College

When I started going to college, I assumed that it would be this wonderful place of higher learning, filled with mature adults who are interested in furthering their education. I was wrong. VERY wrong. While, of course, enthusiasm for school is not something that most people share, I thought that college would at least be a little better than high school in that sense. But, apparently, many adults still act like children (and somehow think it's justifiable because they can take care of themselves.)

For example, in a few of my classes, the professor records participation points. Basically, if you come to class on time, and stay the whole time, you receive points added to your grade, just for showing up. This seems like a pretty simple, agreeable concept. You show up to class, you get a good grade. However, one of my classmates decided that this was the worst thing possible. Apparently, being an adult, who pays for their schooling, you shouldn't have to come to class if it somehow inconveniences you. So this makes me wonder, if you don't come to class, what do you learn? Why the hell are you paying a ridiculous amount of money if you aren't even going to show up?

Another supreme annoyance that I have found in my peers is the childish reaction to test taking. Yes, taking tests sucks. We all know this. But complaining to the teacher about you getting a bad grade on a test because you didn't read the material is not only ridiculous, but frankly, freaking stupid. I have sat through a 20 minute argument between classmates and a professor, because they didn't like taking tests that were essay questions. After months of this constant bickering, this particular professor decided to give said peers what they asked for, and started giving multiple choice tests. Guess who failed those tests? THE SAME PEOPLE. This is big kid school people, you actually have to read the text book, and pay attention during the lectures. I get so frustrated about it. Just this morning, I was supposed to have a test in a class of mine. The class started, and the teacher explained that we were going to do the lecture, take a break, then take the test. After saying this, one student got upset, wanting to take the test at the beginning of class. When the professor asked why, she said, I kid you not, "Because if we don't take it now, I won't have the information fresh in my mind." Uuuuuuggggghhhhhhh. Seriously people. Either you know the material or not. The whole point of school is that you learn the information, and then remember it so that you can use it later in life. If you can only remember this stuff for ten minutes, you aren't learning shit.

Did I mention that people I go to school with annoy me? Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime. Ugh.

Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 5 - Level Up: The Podcast

So, I have a few friends who make this show called Level Up: The Podcast. It is a fantastically inappropriate show based around two roommate gamers, and the random shit they do. In the past, I was asked to come on the show and join them (a link to that episode here) Last week, I made a return appearance on the show for a Mario Cart Tournament Extravaganza! Actually, we just spent an hour playing Mario Cart while also talking. But, it was still a fun time, so I though I would share it with you all.

WARNING: This show is very inappropriate. We're vulgar and offensive. I would like to point out that we do all of this in jest, so please don't take our antics seriously.

So, you can check out Level Up at their website http://www.levelupfilms.com/, on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/levelupthepodcast, and on itunes by searching "levelupfilms". They're really great guys, and funny as hell, so check them out.

Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 4 - Random Prompt #2

Yep. I'm doing it again.

Prompt : "The bird cage was empty."

The bird cage was empty. It has always been that way. I have never really been fond of birds. Though I am a bit ashamed to admit it, I have a slight fear of birds, especially when they are indoors. No, this cage is not to keep something that should be no where but outside. This cage is not to imprison a creature of the sky.

This cage is an artistic feature of the room. Well, that's what I like to tell people any way. No one can argue with something if you say it is art. All they can do is look at it, and perhaps think to themselves that they don't understand the complexities of it, or the underlying statement it is making about human nature. In all actuality, it was a gift. My mother bought it for me. It looks like something from a garage sale, but she insists that it is a top of the line, vintage style bird cage. Firstly, I don't have a bird, and I never have any intention of getting one. Secondly, if for some strange reason I did have a bird, why would I need to keep it in some fancy "vintage style" cage? As far as I know, birds don't have much of a grasp of interior design.

One would assume that after getting me this metal monstrosity, my mother would have gotten me a bird, or at least noticed my lack of possessing one (though, frankly, I'm glad that she didn't buy me one.)But no, three years have gone by that I have had an empty birdcage. It just sits in the corner of my living room collecting dust. I'm not sure why I haven't gotten rid of it. I suppose I would feel guilty about throwing out something that my mother gave me. Why is that? Why must I feel guilty about getting rid of something that I don't use, just because it was a gift?

Some days I just sit here and stare at it. I go through all of these things in my mind. Why do I have a birdcage? What possessed my mother to buy it for me? Why do I keep the stupid thing? And why do I sit here and stare at it? Maybe I should get a bird.

BEDA 3 - Random Sunday

For lack of anything to write about in length, today I am reverting back the random style that I have done in a few previous posts.

1. Sleepy Melissa is sleepy.

2. On that note, yummy coffee is yummy.

3. Why do attorneys feel the need to have really cheesy, or just generally unbearable commercials? Frankly, I don't want someone who thinks that jingles are the way to get clients defending me in court.

4. You should all go vote for my friend AdamTheAlien here, he's a semifinalist in the youtube NextUp program.

5. For some odd reason, every spring I go through this phase where I really want to cook. I made a strawberry pie yesterday. It was tasty. I'm wondering if there is a correlation between the season and my desire to make food. Maybe I've just been hungry lately...

6. Also, I need to make these sweet potato biscuits soon.

That's all I have for you lovelies today. Until tomorrow, Allons-y!

BEDA 2 – Random Prompt

I’m going to be honest. Today, I couldn’t think of anything to write about. So, I decided to go to a random phrase generator, and try doing some writing off of that.
Prompt: “She picked up the knife”


She picked up the knife. Normally, her nerves got the best of her, so she should have been shaking. But not this time. Her resolve was cool, calm, collected. The metal felt cold beneath her nimble fingers. She stared down at the blade. After all of her planning, had it really come to this? Something so violent, so brute? This was not her style. It lacked complexity, it lacked elegance. But ‘crime of passion’ does have a certain ring to it. It would be messy, but in that sense it would also be quite beautiful.

A deep shade of crimson dripped down her wrist. She watched it make patterns, like rain streaking down a window. How something so simple could be so exquisite. He had never understood her eye for symbolism. Everything in this world can mean, or represent something else. You just have to look deeper. But no matter how deep she looked, she couldn’t find it in him. No matter how deep she cut, she couldn’t find his meaning. One more glance at what he was on the inside, and she put down the knife.


Well. That turned out creepy.

Until tomorrow, Allons-y! (That is French of “let’s go”. It is also a Doctor Who reference. I am a nerd.)

Blog Every Day in April (BEDA)

So, as is apparent from the title, I have decided to attempt a month long blogging extravaganza! (I'm trying to make this sound cool, just go with it) I have only managed to complete on month long challenge before, and that was a vlogging challenge (vlog = video blog), so I am hoping that this one will be fairly easy for me to accomplish.

Today, as I am sure that most of you know, is April first, also known as April Fool's Day. I myself have never been very fond of this day of trickery (mostly due to the fact that I am horrid at playing pranks). Don't get me wrong, I am fine with others participating,I mean, I love tomfoolery as much as the next guy. However, doing it all on one particular day seems to take away the appeal. Part of what makes a prank work is that it is unexpected. On April first, you're expecting someone to mess with you, so the reaction isn't nearly as good as it would be on some random day. However, this does not apply to websites. I think April Fool's gags on the internet are hilarious. April first is pretty much the only day that those could be funny.

I suppose that you could look at it from the point of view that if you can actually carry out a prank on April Fool's, that makes you clever, because you can execute something like that on a day where admittedly it is far more difficult to succeed. But, at the same time, many people (unfortunately) achieve their mischief every year, so it's not that esteemed of an achievement.


Perhaps I'm just a spoiled sport, but if you are clever enough to think of a prank, can't you also be clever enough to do it when every one isn't expecting it?

Breakfast at Jamm's

Something you may not know about me is that I love breakfast. I'm usually not one to by into the notion that certain foods are only to be eaten at certain times of the day, but that which is labeled "breakfast food" is arguably my favorite. Lately, I have been trying to eat breakfast more, and to help me to that end, I have been trying a few local breakfast joints. Las Vegas has quite a few amazing places to partake in breakfast time food, so I thought that I would share some with you as I go.


Today's breakfast was at Jamm's on Rainbow and Charleston. This is a place I have been wanting to try for a while, partially because it is close to my work, and partially because I think the name is adorable.



I started my meal like I normally do, with a glass of water, and a cup of coffee (2 creams, and 3 sugars, because I'm a wimp when it comes to bitter taste). After perusing the menu for a bit, I decide on the Southern Benedict. A spin on the classic Eggs Benedict, this dish comprised of an English muffin, turkey, tomato, and poached eggs, all drenched in Hollandaise sauce.

As my mother can attest, I am a huge fan of Eggs Benedict, so pretty much anything in that family is going to please me. Much to my delight, I discovered that the turkey was slices of actual turkey, not that lunch meat swill.

Overall, the meal was fantastic, and I was greeted with fast and friendly service. I would suggest Jamm's to any of my friends, and I will definitely be going back.

Negative Ode

So, once again I come to you with an assignment from my Composition 101 class. The past 2 weeks we have been doing a poetry unity, which makes the former emo kid in my jump with non-conformist glee. As an assignment, we were asked to write a few different types of poems. These included a poem about your hometown, a haiku, a sonnet, and an ode. I have never really been one for writing sappy sweet love poems, so I decided to see if I could try to write a negative ode, which in itself might be an oxymoron. So, I though I would share my attempt at a negative ode with you. Enjoy!

ode to a mis-imagined person

i could wrap you in metaphor
shower you in flowery words to describe everything i wanted you to be
everything that you weren’t
and you
in my mind
like the black keys of a piano
always an exaggeration of some other note
you
with your hair
silky and smooth
styled perfectly to look as if you had just woken up
you
with that calm voice
an excuse always at the ready
you
with that innocent smile
but a person cannot be judged solely on their teeth
you
that figment in my mind
that strain on my life
that person that i didn’t see